Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Ants & butterflies
I have ants in my pants. I can't sit still and sleeping last night was hardly on the agenda. This afternoon at 2.00pm, Licenciada Carolina, 3rd secretary of Judge Licenciada Dalila from the First Family Court of Tijuana, has an appointment to see Maya's birth mother, for her third attempt (last two were 28th Nov and 9th Dec) to get her ratification of her earlier signature and consent to the adoption and final signature on the adoption documents. This is that one crazy little detail we've been waiting for since October 29th, and given the promises of BM to finally pull through, we desperately, desperately hope that this time it'll happen. If it does, I can picture the jubilation. Am filling in the long minutes until that time as best as possible. Fiona and the twins have been doing a marvellous job of distracting me over the past few days with trips and yummy food.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Sixth time lucky
No, I know that's not how the saying goes. Yesterday, I drove Ahmed across the border to San Diego to fly home for the sixth time since we began this odyssey. Guadalupe and kids came to stay the night with Maya, and we went over and stayed the night in San Diego, since Ahmed's flight was fairly early in the morning. Of course we had to go to secondary inspection, but this time, we were both finally feeling so light-hearted and hopeful, that it wasn't stressful and in fact, we had some very nice border guards! It was a positive blast.
Thai meal, Borders bookshop, Lafayette Hotel - aging behemoth of a hotel, grand once upon a time, but not now - airport, Whole Foods, Trader Joes, Tijuana. I've done that route so often now, that the car practically drives itself.
Ahmed said goodbye to Playas, to Pepi's place, to Aida, to the fish tacos stand, to Guadalupe and kids, as we know he's not coming back again. Our adoption is so close to finishing. We can feel it in our bones/gut/any other organs that fit this idiom.
Just a few more days now till we know for sure that the BM has signed and ratified. This will be the third time lucky. That's the saying. Am twiddling my thumbs trying to keep busy in the meantime. Maya's busy exploring and getting into stuff. Including falling over and biting her lip, poor bunny, which then bled, and she had a fat lip all day. I'm now trailing her like a bad smell, but she's just so determined to be everywhere, go everywhere, I can't keep her in one place!!!
Maya getting into stuff...
Hanging with her papa
Funky new hat & scarf knitted by Dadima on her last trip
Thai meal, Borders bookshop, Lafayette Hotel - aging behemoth of a hotel, grand once upon a time, but not now - airport, Whole Foods, Trader Joes, Tijuana. I've done that route so often now, that the car practically drives itself.
Ahmed said goodbye to Playas, to Pepi's place, to Aida, to the fish tacos stand, to Guadalupe and kids, as we know he's not coming back again. Our adoption is so close to finishing. We can feel it in our bones/gut/any other organs that fit this idiom.
Just a few more days now till we know for sure that the BM has signed and ratified. This will be the third time lucky. That's the saying. Am twiddling my thumbs trying to keep busy in the meantime. Maya's busy exploring and getting into stuff. Including falling over and biting her lip, poor bunny, which then bled, and she had a fat lip all day. I'm now trailing her like a bad smell, but she's just so determined to be everywhere, go everywhere, I can't keep her in one place!!!
Maya getting into stuff...
Hanging with her papa
Funky new hat & scarf knitted by Dadima on her last trip
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Can I please get a refund for this crystal ball? It doesn't appear to be working.
By Monday morning we were no closer to really deciding what to do. We drove to Rosarito to go and have coffee and hunt down the best massage therapist in the Northern Hemisphere, who's gone awol, unfortunately. Every ten minutes or so, we tried calling Aida to find out whether the BM's request to do the ratification had made it in to our court, and what that meant in terms of when it might take place. Our biggest question, these days. When? When? When? This innocent question is always the first thing we get asked by anybody who finds out we're adopting here: so when will it be finished? Ha ha ha. Wait while I consult my crystal ball...um, sometime in mid August last year would be my guess.
When we spoke to Aida, it turns out that yes, the request had been lodged at court first thing in the morning, and would likely be picked up by the judge's secretary for its publication on Tuesday, in which case Carolina, the judge's secretary, could go to get the signature and ratification on Friday, at the earliest. If she has time in her crazy schedule.
Today, Aida managed to speak to our judge, who has agreed to release Carolina to go and get the signature and ratification. Aida spoke to Carolina, who will be able to go on Friday at the earliest, but only if one of her other hearings that day is cancelled, as she's working round the clock at the moment. Otherwise, next week.
So, there's the situation. Not much different on the surface from earlier: we're waiting on tenterhooks for the judge's secretary to go and see the BM to get the signature. Might be on Friday, might be next week some time.
Here are the differences, however:
If, at the last minute, the BM doesn't sign and ratify this time, Maya will go and stay with a foster mother, and I will go back to Abu Dhabi until she signs.
The BM has now realized this and does not want me to go, hopefully enough of a push to get that ratification.
The BM has promised not just Aida, but the slightly more scary male lawyer she took to see her on Saturday as well, that she will ratify.
This time the request to ratify (to the judge of our family court) has come from the BM herself, rather than our lawyer.
Are these differences enough to make it actually happen this time? My crystal ball is blank. Who knows? We can only hope so. We're surrounded by lucky charms, hopes and prayers and good wishes coming from all corners of the globe. Without noticing, I bought some Lucky brand jeans on Saturday, and everytime I see the little tag: Lucky You, I wonder if it is a sign... We'll look anywhere for signs these days! I consult the card game on the computer for answers. Ahmed touches the lucky baby (that's Maya) when the phone rings, hoping for good news. I changed the ring tone on my cellphone, as the sound of the previous one just reminded me too much of all the bad news I'd received on it. Would have changed it again, but realised I might run out of ring tones before finding the one that brought good news. We've turned all superstitious in our desperation. Anyway, now's the time, surely. Scarily, we've said that many times since about April. Maybe this time it's true.
Now, at least, I feel in a way that we are in control of the situation to a small extent. If she signs, adoption is finalized two weeks later, and we go home. If she doesn't sign, I go home, Maya stays here, in a couple of months I come back when adoption is finalized - and it will be, there is a reason why it definitely will be in a couple of months compared to the possibly will be now, but can't disclose that here - and then we go home. So at least we've made that decision.
When we spoke to Aida, it turns out that yes, the request had been lodged at court first thing in the morning, and would likely be picked up by the judge's secretary for its publication on Tuesday, in which case Carolina, the judge's secretary, could go to get the signature and ratification on Friday, at the earliest. If she has time in her crazy schedule.
Today, Aida managed to speak to our judge, who has agreed to release Carolina to go and get the signature and ratification. Aida spoke to Carolina, who will be able to go on Friday at the earliest, but only if one of her other hearings that day is cancelled, as she's working round the clock at the moment. Otherwise, next week.
So, there's the situation. Not much different on the surface from earlier: we're waiting on tenterhooks for the judge's secretary to go and see the BM to get the signature. Might be on Friday, might be next week some time.
Here are the differences, however:
If, at the last minute, the BM doesn't sign and ratify this time, Maya will go and stay with a foster mother, and I will go back to Abu Dhabi until she signs.
The BM has now realized this and does not want me to go, hopefully enough of a push to get that ratification.
The BM has promised not just Aida, but the slightly more scary male lawyer she took to see her on Saturday as well, that she will ratify.
This time the request to ratify (to the judge of our family court) has come from the BM herself, rather than our lawyer.
Are these differences enough to make it actually happen this time? My crystal ball is blank. Who knows? We can only hope so. We're surrounded by lucky charms, hopes and prayers and good wishes coming from all corners of the globe. Without noticing, I bought some Lucky brand jeans on Saturday, and everytime I see the little tag: Lucky You, I wonder if it is a sign... We'll look anywhere for signs these days! I consult the card game on the computer for answers. Ahmed touches the lucky baby (that's Maya) when the phone rings, hoping for good news. I changed the ring tone on my cellphone, as the sound of the previous one just reminded me too much of all the bad news I'd received on it. Would have changed it again, but realised I might run out of ring tones before finding the one that brought good news. We've turned all superstitious in our desperation. Anyway, now's the time, surely. Scarily, we've said that many times since about April. Maybe this time it's true.
Now, at least, I feel in a way that we are in control of the situation to a small extent. If she signs, adoption is finalized two weeks later, and we go home. If she doesn't sign, I go home, Maya stays here, in a couple of months I come back when adoption is finalized - and it will be, there is a reason why it definitely will be in a couple of months compared to the possibly will be now, but can't disclose that here - and then we go home. So at least we've made that decision.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Impasse
I am going absolutely crazy right now with the 'what ifs' of our situation. We decided a couple of days ago that I would leave Tijuana on the same day that Ahmed goes this time, Friday 30th. Just get out of this madhouse, away from Mexico, and Maya would stay with a wonderful foster mum we know here. Horrible, hard decision, leaving our baby behind, but when we looked at the alternatives: me finally going off the deep end, lack of income, etc etc, we just felt it was time. The interminable waiting, and maybe today, maybe tomorrow here has pushed me to the absolute limit of my patience, and beyond, many times, and I really need to get out.
So, decision was made, I was planning to spend the week with Ahmed and Maya, just enjoying ourselves, feeling sad at leaving, but knowing that I'd be back in probably two months, when the adoption HAS to be finished surely, and bringing Maya home then. We know Maya would be fine with Ana and her family. She's a happy little pickle and would forgive us.
Then we got a phone call from Aida yesterday saying that Maya's BM freaked out when she heard I would leave, and said, yes, yes, I'll ratify. What the hell??? Of course, it will take several days of permissions, trips to and from court (for Aida) to get the judge's secretary to do this again, before it will happen, but now what? Will she do it? Will she lead us on again just to refuse at the last minute like the last two times? There are so many stupid consequences of each decision, staying or going, that my head is once again spinning, and I can't make a decision to save myself. And of course the decision to leave needs to be made before the ratification would happen, as there are all these other factors at stake. Stupid catch 22. I have no clarity. No idea. No gut feelings. Just murky dunnos rolling around in my head. I've identified at least three other stages in our adoption when a different decision would have really benefited the process, but at the time it was too difficult to judge. Now we're here again, having to make a decision, time marching on, and aaaaargh??? Who knows?
If I stay, BM either signs & ratifies and Maya and I get out of here in about 3 or 4 weeks, hurrah, or she doesn't sign and I need to check into the nearest mental health institution. Could then go back to Abu Dhabi, but would miss the opportunity to do teacher training course, which starts next Sunday. And new term starts next Wednesday.
If I go, I could start back on a teacher training course the day after getting back to AD, but then wouldn't be free to leave again for at least 8 or 10 weeks. If BM signs and ratifies, we'd be kicking ourselves, as Maya would be free to come home, but we couldn't come here and get her birth cert, passport, etc till... April? If BM doesn't sign and ratify, well then, that was the right decision. Or if she says she'll do it, but doesn't sign and ratify before I leave, then finds out I've left, who knows what then? I think she'd totally refuse to do it. Too many variables and key players in this game. Am going round and round in circles.
So, decision was made, I was planning to spend the week with Ahmed and Maya, just enjoying ourselves, feeling sad at leaving, but knowing that I'd be back in probably two months, when the adoption HAS to be finished surely, and bringing Maya home then. We know Maya would be fine with Ana and her family. She's a happy little pickle and would forgive us.
Then we got a phone call from Aida yesterday saying that Maya's BM freaked out when she heard I would leave, and said, yes, yes, I'll ratify. What the hell??? Of course, it will take several days of permissions, trips to and from court (for Aida) to get the judge's secretary to do this again, before it will happen, but now what? Will she do it? Will she lead us on again just to refuse at the last minute like the last two times? There are so many stupid consequences of each decision, staying or going, that my head is once again spinning, and I can't make a decision to save myself. And of course the decision to leave needs to be made before the ratification would happen, as there are all these other factors at stake. Stupid catch 22. I have no clarity. No idea. No gut feelings. Just murky dunnos rolling around in my head. I've identified at least three other stages in our adoption when a different decision would have really benefited the process, but at the time it was too difficult to judge. Now we're here again, having to make a decision, time marching on, and aaaaargh??? Who knows?
If I stay, BM either signs & ratifies and Maya and I get out of here in about 3 or 4 weeks, hurrah, or she doesn't sign and I need to check into the nearest mental health institution. Could then go back to Abu Dhabi, but would miss the opportunity to do teacher training course, which starts next Sunday. And new term starts next Wednesday.
If I go, I could start back on a teacher training course the day after getting back to AD, but then wouldn't be free to leave again for at least 8 or 10 weeks. If BM signs and ratifies, we'd be kicking ourselves, as Maya would be free to come home, but we couldn't come here and get her birth cert, passport, etc till... April? If BM doesn't sign and ratify, well then, that was the right decision. Or if she says she'll do it, but doesn't sign and ratify before I leave, then finds out I've left, who knows what then? I think she'd totally refuse to do it. Too many variables and key players in this game. Am going round and round in circles.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Visit to judge, part III
Aida went into court again today to see the judge and other lawyer. Judge didn't go in to work again today. Aida then tried to go and see the BM with another lawyer, and discovered she couldn't see her either. Welcome to a typical week in our world. Monday morning sees us all optimistic for action and solutions. Friday evening sees us frustrated beyond belief, and no further ahead. Aida is going mental with the frustrations of our case as well, and has never experienced anything like it in her 24 years as an adoption lawyer.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Visit to judge, part II
Aida went in today, to meet other lawyer and judge, and what ho? The judge didn't come in to work today. So nothing going there. Tomorrow, she's got an appointment to see him instead. We went to see Lic. Sanchez, the lovely adoption coordinator from DIF Tijuana today, just to talk about the frustrations of our case, and see if there have been any similar cases in her memory. Nothing like it, unfortunately, and our only option is to sit it out and wait. Had to ask at least.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Visit to judge
The judge was too busy, and unable to see Aida today, despite her going in and trying her best to get an appointment. We hung around outside the courthouse, in the slight chance that we could also go in and put forth our two cents' worth. Tomorrow, she has an appointment with the judge and another lawyer. Ok, we'll wait till then.
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