Tuesday, February 3, 2009
The post I dreaded writing
BM didn't sign today and I feel like our world has ended. I'm going back to Abu Dhabi as soon as I can. BM says she will sign in about 2 or 3 months, when the major problem in her life will be over, and when she does, one of us will come back and pick up Maya then. I can't bear to look at Maya, as it's breaking my heart to think I'm leaving her. The alternative is more frightening, it's a black, terrifying abyss of going over the edge of sanity. Maya doesn't deserve to be looked after by the person I would be if I stayed here. Ahmed equally doesn't deserve to live with the wrecked shell who's going to arrive back in Abu Dhabi. Why is this so hard? Because there is the terrifying uncertainty of there never being an end to our case. Moving to Mexico may be our only option, and frankly, for our daughter, we would do anything.
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6 comments:
And this is the post we dreaded reading. So sorry Emma and Ahmed. Thinking of you and Maya at this horrible time.
Robyn writing...
I looked at our baby Sam (15 months old) whom Emma held at the Rotana back in February last year and felt so guilty. I remember passing Samuel to her and whispering a secret prayer that she and Ahmed would be doing the same thing soon with their own baby. I felt like I was passing over a lucky charm and was thrilled when I heard that Maya was suddenly theirs.
Right now, all I can feel is heartbreak and guilt. I pretended to be Emma today and imagined having to leave Samuel for a few months. I felt a deep hollowness and a heaviness simultaneously- like someone placed a large black rock in the center of my soul. It was terrifying and completely disabling. I am so sorry for you Emma and Ahmed. Emma, I wish you strength and courage as you board the plane back to Abu Dhabi. You are making the right decision and being a good parent requires making the hard decisions. Maya will never remember the separation, so you needn't feel guilty. I understand feeling devastated though. If there is anything, ANYTHING, you need (food, drinks, baby cuddles, company etc) please let us know. Ahmed has our number
Emma,
I'm so sorry the adoption is not complete.
I think it's a good idea to leave Maya with her babysitter and return to work. You've established a wonderful relationship
that won't be compromised by your
taking some time for yourself. Even if you
weren't stressed, it might be a good
idea to be at home while you're waiting
for the legal issues to resolve.
Barb
My darling Emma ~
There is nothing that I can say that you don't already know, so I'm not going to. I just want you to know that we are so proud of you and support any and every decision that you and Ahmed make. I know that it is one of the most difficult decisions for you, however it is so important to take care of yourself in this whole process. Like Robyn said, this very brief separation from Maya will not scar her,and she is a very well adjusted and happy little girl, (thanks to you), that she will get through it. I also believe that this has not been easy for you and Ahmed to be apart for so long and the two of you need each other right now. So, go home, refuel, get energized, keep busy and take care of yourself, so that in 2-3 months when you take Maya home, you will all be completely ready to start your new life together.
Please know how much we love you and if there is anything that you need, big or small, we are and will always be here for you, Ahmed and Maya.
Love you,
Nizq
Emma and Ahmed;
I've been struggling figuring out what to say, and I think Niz said all I wanted to...just keep reminding yourself that you ARE doing the best thing for your family, even when it doesn't feel that way...you'll never look back on all this and laugh, like people sometimes say, but the point is, this stage WILL pass, and you will be able to look back on it, and you'll be holding your sweet baby again when you do look back on it.
Much, much love
Emma, it breaks my heart reading your entry - transposing the state I'd be in if I'd gone through the serious emotional trials that you, & Ahmed, have over the last year, knowing the wreck that I'd be in at the thought of facing what you are with our Jule.
A healthy mother is what's best for her baby...take care & get all the love that you can, & spend time 're-grouping' with Ahmed. Our thoughts & love are with you all.
Rebecca (& Alain)
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